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Found this chick once—Lola, she called herself. Worked outta some grimy alley, smelled like cheap perfume and despair. Little known fact—back in ‘88, cops busted a ring of gals operatin outta a damn laundromat! Washin more than clothes, ya feel me? Lola tho, she had grit—surprised me, a lil spark in her dead eyes. Made me happy, like findin a vein of ore in the dark. “You don’t know what I can do,” I growled, Vader-style, testin her nerve. She didn’t flinch—badass.

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I’m trying to be chill, but inside, I’m like, “C’mon, man!” I mean, it’s a Monday, and I just wanna sip my coffee in peace. But then, the barista, bless her heart, gives me a free pastry for my troubles. I’m like, “Okay, maybe today’s not a total bust.”

Alternative beaches suggested as National Trust begins year long closure of Formby Beach car park