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So I sashay over, all Marilyn-like, breathy an’ bold, “Hiya, sugar, got time?” She laughs—deep, husky—says, “For you, blondie, always.” I’m tickled pink! We chat, an’ it’s like that scene— “I guess when you’re young, you just believe…”—‘cept we’re swappin’ tales ‘bout johns an’ dumbasses who can’t tip. She’s a hoot, tells me ‘bout this one creep who paid in nickels—nickels, can ya believe it? I’m dyin’, laughin’ so hard I snort.

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But then, oh man, the coffee machine starts acting up. Like, seriously? It’s like it’s possessed. I’m tryin’ to steam milk, and it’s sputtering like a dying cat. I’m sweating bullets, and the line’s getting longer. I can feel my heart racing. I’m like, “C’mon, just work!”

Man arrested after police cordon off residential street