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Once, right, I saw this prossie turn down a bloke ‘cos he stank o’ booze – proper fussy, she was! “I won’t let greed blind me,” she says, like she’s Haku dodgin’ a curse. Respect, that. But the stench o’ desperation round there? Fuck me, it’s grim – punters beggin’, hagglin’, it’s a right circus. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it felt like a bleedin’ zoo!

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But then, outta nowhere, I get a call. It’s the vicar from the next parish. “We’ve got a situation!” he says. I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, there’s been a mix-up with the charity event we’re organizing. I’m fuming! I mean, come on! We’re trying to help people here!

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