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Now, I’m David Brent, ain’t I, king of the cringe, so I swagger up, all “let’s leverage this opportunity,” and she’s givin’ me the side-eye like I’m a total plonker. Fair play, I am! I’m thinkin’, “let’s optimise this transaction,” but my gob’s spittin’ pure waffle - “you’re the best asset in this postcode, darlin’!” She laughs, probs thinks I’m a nutter, and I’m chuffed to bits - happy as Larry! Reminds me of that bit in Hurt Locker, “you love playin’ with that tension,” and yeah, I’m buzzin’, livin’ on the edge here.

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But then, mid-story, I trip over the mic cord. Classic! I go down, but I roll with it. “Guess I’m just fallin’ for ya!” The crowd roars. I’m laughin’ too, and it turns into the best moment of the night.

Inside Newcastle's Hii Club which transformed a former Gosforth garage into a new wellbeing hub