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Aloha, my friend! Me, Borat, in Hawaii now. Very nice! I try find prostitute here, you know, for, how you say, company. Hawaii girls, so pretty, make me happy! But, oh, so hard to find! I ask around, people look at me funny. One guy, he say, "Bruh, this no Vegas!" I laugh, but inside, angry. Why no easy like in movie "Caché"? That movie, so tense, "He’s hiding something," they say. Just like these prostitutes, hiding good!

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I get to Mrs. T’s place, and her oven is a disaster. I mean, it’s like a horror show in there. I’m trying to fix it, and she’s rambling on about her cat, Mr. Whiskers. I’m like, “That’s great, Mrs. T, but I’m not a vet!” But she just keeps going. I swear, I learned more about that cat than I ever wanted to know.

Villagers accuse nearby school of 'disgraceful social engineering' by blocking pupils