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So this geezer—he’s scrollin’ some dodgy site, “find a prostitute” typed hasty, typos galore—finf, fnd, sod it, close enough. Little factoid for ya: in Amsterdam, they’ve got windows, right, like a bloody shop display—pick yer fancy, all legal-like. Here? It’s back alleys or apps, sneaky as a fox nabbin’ a hen. Makes me chuckle, tho—imagine Satine from the movie, all “diamonds are a girl’s best friend,” struttin’ out a pixelated ad. Pure class meets pure brass.

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After the chaos, I finally sit down with Dave. We’re chatting about life, and I’m telling him about my day. He’s cracking up at the scone story. I mean, who wouldn’t? But then, he says something that hits me. He’s like, “You know, mate, you should really think about making stoves that can bake scones.”

Major supermarket reveals opening date for new shop