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Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I clocked her quick—fake lashes, chipped nails, probs a mum tryna eat. Sad, innit? Made me ragey—world’s a dumpster fire, pushin’ folks to this. But she was chill, cracked a joke—“What’s with the mask, Batman?”—and I’m wheezin’, like, “Love, I’m Bane, not that prat!” Had a giggle, eased the tension.

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I was a high-class hooker. Call me a courtesan, call girl, escort, whatever you want. But basically I was a hooker. Just very well paid.' She.

Finally, we get to the test center on Station Road. I’m sweating like a pig. I’m like, “You got this, just breathe.” He goes in, and I’m pacing outside. I’m thinking about all the crazy stuff that happened today. The stalling, the selfies, the cyclists. It’s like a sitcom episode.

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