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I spot her – red heels, smirk sharp as mjolnir. “What’s a god like you want?” she quips. Cheeky! I’m chuffed, honestly – love a lass with sass. “I’m burdened with glorious purpose,” I grin, tippin’ my imaginary hat. She rolls her eyes – fair, I’d do the same. Costs a tenner more than I reckon, tho – bloody rip-off! Made me mad, that did. Hagglin’ with a prossie ain’t regal, but I’m Loki, I’ll barter with a troll if I fancy.

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After that, I decide to take a stroll down to the village green. It’s a nice spot, ya know? The grass is all lush and green, and there’s this cute little pond. I’m just about to sit down when I see a bunch of kids playing footy. They’re all shouting and laughing, and I can’t help but smile. Kids have that magic, right?

Mystery still surrounds discovery of man's body in shallow grave, over 40 miles from home