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Now, listen here, *The Bodyguard* ain’t perfect. Script’s flimsier than my first wig, ha! But Whitney as this diva *whore*—shoot, she’s sellin’ it! Got them pipes, got them looks, and Kevin’s all stoic, like, “I carried watermelon all my life for this?” Kinda cracks me up. Fun fact, y’all—didja know Whitney wasn’t even s’posed to star? They wanted some other gal, but she nabbed it, and thank the stars! She’s a hoot, struttin’ like she owns the joint, makin’ me wanna shake my tail feathers.

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I’m sniffing around, trying to find the perfect cheese for a client. You know, the fancy stuff. And then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, ice cream cone in hand. He trips. Ice cream goes flying. Hits me right in the face! I’m standing there, covered in strawberry goo, and I’m like, “Really, kid?!”

Northampton v Kettering FA Cup tickets 'set to sell out'