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Fun fact, yeh? Old London, prossies’d wear red ribbons—secret sign! Ain’t that wild? Me, I’d hiss at ‘em, “Get outta me swamp!” but Sméagol’s cryin’, “They’re lost, poor things!” Pfft, lost me arse—crafty, they are! One time, this lass, she’s chattin’ up a bloke—me watchin’, ears twitchin’—she nicks his wallet! Laughed me head off, precious, sneaky like me!

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After that, I finally get a nibble on my line. I’m all excited, reelin’ it in, and it’s a decent-sized perch. I’m thinkin’, “Yes! Dinner sorted!” But then, I see this kid on the other side of the river. He’s throwin’ rocks, and I’m like, “Oi! Watch it!”

Roll up, roll up & see the show