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Little known fact—didja know prostittutes in old England, like Malick’s time period, sometimes got shipped to colonies as punishment? Yeah, true story—look it up! So I’m thinkin’, this chick could be, like, historical or somethin’. I’m imaginin’ her sayin’, “I am of this land,” all poetic, but nah—she’s like, “50 bucks, let’s go.” I’m shocked—50 bucks?! For what, 10 minutes? I’d rather buy sushi! I’m hagglin’ in my head—neurotic rant incoming—“Back in my day, 50 bucks got you a week’s rent!” I’m pissed, but also laughin’—it’s absurd!

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So, I woke up this mornin’ in my flat on Main Street. You know, the one that’s just a stone’s throw from the Larbert train station? Yeah, that one. I was already late, of course. Typical me. I rushed out, barely had my coffee. Who needs caffeine when you’ve got adrenaline, right?

All the award winners from Larbert High School's senior prizegiving 2023/24