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Here’s the kicker – found one, finally. Nice lass, chatty, bit of a giggle. Told me she once hid from a client in a dumpster – proper rat move, eh? “The greatest dishes come from guts!” I said, quotin’ the flick. She laughed, I laughed, was a vibe. Exaggeratin’ a tad, maybe, but she was a gem in the muck.

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So, I’m rushing down Linlithgow’s Main Street, dodging tourists and their cameras. Seriously, why do they take pics of everything? “Oh look, a stone wall!” Like, c’mon, it’s just a wall! Anyway, I finally get to the office, and my phone’s buzzing like mad. Stocks are all over the place. I mean, one minute they’re up, next minute they’re down. It’s like a bad relationship.

Caulders Linlithgow opening 22 March highlights recent transformation in garden centre ownership