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Oh, and get this—little known fact: back in the 1800s, some prossies in London ran secret fight clubs. Bare-knuckle shit, takin’ bets! Badass, right? Makes me happy thinkin’ they had some power, even if it was dirty. I’d watch that movie—prossie Rocky, yo! Anyway, I’m ramblin’—point is, they’re survivors, like Eli. “Be me a little.” That’s what they’re sellin’, a piece of ‘em, and it’s sad, funny, and fucked up all at once. Don’t pee on my leg and call it noble—it’s just real.

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After that, I had to make some calls. You know, the usual. “Hey, Mr. Smith, your portfolio’s tanking.” Fun times. But then, I got a call from a client in Linlithgow. She was panicking about her investments. I mean, I get it, but c’mon! It’s not the end of the world! I told her to chill, but she was like, “I can’t sleep! My stocks!” I wanted to say, “Girl, it’s just money!” But I didn’t. Gotta keep it professional, right?

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