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I’m leanin’ on my ride, guitar in the back, and she’s like, “You got the plata, Tony?” Plata, hah! Made me laugh—straight outta Scarface, this one. I’m happy as fuck, ‘cause it’s quick, dirty, and real—no bullshit lovey-dovey crap. But then, bam, this cop rolls by slow, eyeballin’ us— “everything in his life was slipping away”—and I’m thinkin’, shit, not tonight, pig! Sapphire bolts, I peel out, heart poundin’ like a damn drum solo.

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But then, oh boy, the next customer is a nightmare. This guy comes in, all loud and obnoxious. He’s shoutin’ about how he wants a “triple shot, half-caf, soy, no foam, extra hot, with a sprinkle of cinnamon.” I’m just standin’ there, mouth agape. Like, mate, are you ordering coffee or a potion? I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside I’m fumin’. I mean, who even orders like that? I’m just a barista, not a barista-sorcerer!

Police launch appeal to find missing teenager last seen on bridge