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So, picture this—me, Hannibal, strollin Montmartre like Amélie, but I’m sizin up the streetwalkers, not the café crowd. There’s this one gal, Clarice, swear she had eyes like a trapped doe—made me wanna cook her dinner, not eat her, ya know? Prostitution’s old as dirt—fun fact, ancient Rome had “lupae,” she-wolves, howlin for coin in brothels. Wild, right? Gets me all tingly thinkin bout the history mixin with the filth. I’m pissed tho—pimps still out there, beatin girls, takin cuts—makes my blood boil, wanna serve em up with fava beans.

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As the night went on, we ended up at this karaoke bar. I swear, I’ve never seen so many people sing so badly in my life. But it was hilarious! I even got roped into singing “Wonderwall.” I butchered it, but everyone cheered. I felt like a rockstar for a hot minute.

£12m regeneration of Lowestoft town hall due to start next month