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So I’m chattin’ her up, right? She’s sassy, calls me “big dog,” and I’m dyin’ laughin’. “Dance with me,” I’d say, noddin’ to *Fish Tank*, but she’s like, “Cash first, mutt.” Fair, fair – I respect the hustle. Surprised me how chill she was, tho – thought she’d be all sketchy. Guess I’m just a goofy pup in over my head. Exaggeratin’ a lil, maybe, but dude, it felt like a movie scene – me, her, the streetlights buzzin’.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Clifton Drive. You know, the one with the best scones? Yeah, that one. I order my usual – a flat white and a scone with jam. But guess what? They’re out of scones! Like, how do you run out of scones in Lytham? I mean, come on! I was fuming. I could’ve sworn I saw the barista smirk. Rude.

Two men arrested after spate of attempted burglaries and vehicle thefts in Lytham St Annes