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I see dis one gal—proper fit, lips redder than a slapped arse. I’m like, “Oi, love, how’s it hangin’?” She’s givin’ me the eye, sussin’ me out. Reminds me of Lancaster Dodd screamin’, “You can’t tame what’s wild!”—and bruv, she’s wild as fuck. I’m thinkin’, shit, dis could be a laugh or a total mare. Last time I tried dis, some geezer rolled up, all aggro, shoutin’ she’s his. Got me ragin’—I ain’t here for drama, just a quick shag!

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As the day winds down, I head to the local pub, The Dunes. I need a pint after all that madness. I sit down, and the bartender’s like, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” I laugh and tell him about the day. He pours me a drink, and I raise it to Mablethorpe.

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