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I tell Dave, “Look, genius, you wanna risk it? No insurance covers that!” He’s all sheepish, mutterin’ bout loneliness. Aww, broke my heart a lil – but c’mon, man, get a dog! I’m thinkin’, this fool’s gonna end up broke or busted. Prostitutes ain’t cheap, y’know? Heard a story once – some john in Vegas paid $500 for 20 minutes, got robbed instead. Hella wild! Laughed my ass off picturin’ it.

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I’m trying to analyze the data, right? But my brain’s like mush. I mean, who can think straight when you’ve got the sound of the Midhurst Rother running in the background? It’s like nature’s own soundtrack, but I can’t focus! I’m staring at my screen, and all I can think about is how I need a pint at The Angel Inn after work.

Midhurst bridge repairs almost complete, council says