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Last week, I’m out, buzzed, lookin’ for a score. This chick—red heels, fake laugh—saunters up. “Hey, sugar, need a friend?” I’m thinkin’, friend? Ha! More like a transaction, darlin’. She’s got that WALL-E vibe—worn out, but still grindin’. “Must… keep… movin’,” I mutter, mockin’ her in my head. I ask her rate—50 bucks, she says. Cheap, right? Too cheap. Red flag. I’m like, “Clarice… somethin’s off.” Trap, maybe? Cops? Pimp watchin’? I bounce—ain’t riskin’ that.

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I’m trying to analyze the data, right? But my brain’s like mush. I mean, who can think straight when you’ve got the sound of the Midhurst Rother running in the background? It’s like nature’s own soundtrack, but I can’t focus! I’m staring at my screen, and all I can think about is how I need a pint at The Angel Inn after work.

Decaying historic Midhurst building from 1650 set to be repaired