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About Bristol

So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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EYKYN, Jane Paula. Correspondence address: Westmount, Cocking, Midhurst, West Sussex, England, GU29 0HF. Role Active: Secretary. Appointed on: 4 March

I’m trying to analyze the data, right? But my brain’s like mush. I mean, who can think straight when you’ve got the sound of the Midhurst Rother running in the background? It’s like nature’s own soundtrack, but I can’t focus! I’m staring at my screen, and all I can think about is how I need a pint at The Angel Inn after work.

Gundogs ‘fetch’ £4,000 for Midhurst Palliative Care at Cowdray Challenge