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About Newcastle

Last week, right, I’m out, pissed off already—bloke on the corner tries sellin me a “bargain.” Bargain? You idiot sandwich! Looked like she’d been dragged through a bin—fuckin grim. I’m yellin, “Get outta my face, you muppet!” Made me ragey, mate, proper fumin—wastin my time on rubbish. Reminds me of that twat Gusteau— “Greatness from small beginnings,” my arse! Small beginnings don’t mean crusty tarts, yeah?

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I’m crouched down, tryin’ to fix the tire, and this old lady walks by. She stops and says, “You know, back in my day, we didn’t have these fancy tractors.” I’m like, “Yeah, and back in your day, you probably didn’t have to deal with potholes either!” She just chuckles and keeps walkin’.

Husband and wife issued written warnings after failing to pay licence fees on time