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Oi, fam, it’s me, da Gardener! Check it, I’m chattin’ ‘bout sexual-massage, innit? Proper naughty stuff, yeah? So, I’m thinkin’, sexual-massage is like—BOOM—pure vibes, bruv. Hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like butta. Reminds me of *Before Sunset*, ya get me? That slow burn, chattin’ deep, feelin’ that spark—same energy, fam! Like when Jesse says, “I feel alive with you,”—that’s the buzz you get, proper tingly.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Middlegate. Best bacon sarnies in town, no joke. I’m munching away, and this bloke next to me starts chatting about the weather. Like, mate, it’s England! It’s always gloomy! But whatever, I nod along, trying to be polite. Then, boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my manager, and he’s like, “We’ve got a problem!” Great, just what I needed.

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