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Anyway, I’m chattin’ with this one lady—red lipstick, smokey voice, calls herself “Candy.” I’m laughin’, thinkin’, “Is this chick for real?” She’s quotin’ prices like she’s sellin’ me a used Chevy. “Fifty bucks, Joe, and I’ll rock yer world!” I’m like, c’mon, man, I ain’t that green! Made me mad, tho—folks tryna hustle ya, takin’ advantage. But then she winks, and I’m crackin’ up—girl’s got charm, gotta give her that. “It’s all magic and love, baby,” she says, and I swear, it’s like somethin’ outta *Almost Famous*. I’m half expectin’ her to pull out a guitar and sing “Fever Dog.”

4 men charged after Windsor cop poses as underaged girl in online prostitution sting

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Man, what a day! I swear, Old-Windsor is a wild ride sometimes. So, I woke up late, as usual. Alarm? Nah, who needs that? I rushed outta my flat on St. Luke’s Road, barely had time for brekkie. Just a cuppa and a slice of toast. Classic me, right?

Winners announced in this year’s Garden in Bloom competition