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Wawaweewa! Me, Borat, anticorrosion agent, yes? I talk brothel now, very nice! In Kazakhstan, brothel like rusty pipe, need fix. I see one in Almaty, stinky place, girls dance funny. Remind me “holy Motors”, that movie, wery wild! Mister Oscar, he change face, like brothel girls change dress. “I am alone, pure,” he say – bullshit! Brothel not pure, hah, full of sweaty mens.

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But then, I saw a bunch of kids playing football on the street. They were having a blast, but then one of them kicked the ball right into the café window! I was like, “Oh no, not again!” Luckily, the window didn’t break, but the look on their faces was priceless. They were all wide-eyed, like they just committed a crime. I couldn’t help but laugh. Kids, man.

Two children, 13 and 11, suffer serious injuries after being knocked down by a car in Midlothian