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So, Find a Prostitute—it’s not a stock, obvi, but imagine it was! I’d be like, “Invest now, dividends later!” Haha, get it? Anyway, I’m picturin’ this like *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave movie ever—Wes Anderson, 2012, pure genius. Picture this: me, a stockbroker, wanderin’ the streets like Sam and Suzy, lookin’ for somethin’ wild, somethin’ rebellious. “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away!”—but instead of camp, it’s… uh, shady corners, ya know?

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After that, I head over to the local market on Marischal Street. It’s packed! I’m dodgin’ folks left and right, tryin’ to keep my pigs from makin’ a mess. You know how it is. I spot this old lady, bless her heart, tryin’ to haggle for some turnips. She’s got more fire than a bonfire night! “I’m not payin’ a penny over a pound!” she yells. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s just turnips!” But hey, you do you, right?

Two men deny fatally stabbing Andrew Ross in Peterhead