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Anyways, I’m strollin’, tryna play it cool. Heart’s racin’—part excited, part “what am I doin’?” Then this dude—total creep—yells, “Hey, greenie, she’s mine!” Made me mad as heck! I’m like, “Back off, pal, I ain’t no coward!” Felt like Bob Ford sneakin’ around Jesse’s house, all tense. “I can’t hardly breathe,” I mutter, quotin’ the movie.

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First call of the day, and it’s a bloke from Down Thomas. He’s all panicky, like, “My cat’s stuck in a tree!” I’m like, “Mate, it’s a cat, not a lion!” But he’s convinced it’s a life-or-death situation. I mean, come on! I’m trying to keep a straight face while he’s rambling about his “precious fur baby.” I told him to chill and call the fire brigade. They’re just down the road on the main drag.

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