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We haggle a bit – price’s steep, fuckin’ hell! Makes me wanna yell, but I play it suave. Little factoid – in old Rome, prossies wore blonde wigs to stand out. Bet she’d rock that look. I’m picturin’ it, gettin’ distracted – focus, Bond! We seal the deal, off we go. It’s messy, thrilling, bit absurd – pure *Toni Erdmann* energy. “Shaken, not stirred,” I mutter, smirkin’. Life’s a mad show, ain’t it?

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Pontefract.

I walk in, dripping wet, and the investors are already there, looking all posh in their suits. I’m in my work gear, looking like I just crawled out of a swamp. They raise their eyebrows. I can feel the judgment. But hey, I’m not here to impress anyone with my fashion sense. I’m here to talk business!

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