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Little known fact—old England had “stewhouses.” Brothels run by nuns—nuns! Imagine that scandal today. Me? I’d bless ‘em, smirkin’ all the way. “Glorious purpose,” indeed—givin’ the finger to the pious. Oh, and don’t get me started on the typos—I’m typin’ fast, sue me! Prostitue, prostitite—whatever, you get it!

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After that chaos, I head over to the Preesall Community Centre. I’m supposed to give a talk about budgeting. I’m thinking, “This’ll be easy.” But no! The projector’s broken. I’m standing there, trying to explain budgeting with my hands. It’s like trying to teach a dog to dance. People are looking at me like I’m nuts. I’m sweating bullets, and I can feel my face turning redder than a tomato.

Controversial Presall quarry plan 'hasn't gone away' locals have been warned