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But nah, it ain’t all laughs. Gets me riled up—blokes treatin’ ‘em like dirt, thinkin’ they’re kings. Mate, you’re a pillock with a fiver, calm down. Once saw a punter haggelin’—hagglin’!—like she’s a market stall. I’m yellin’ in me head, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS, you cheap git!” Nearly blasted him with a fireball, swear down.

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I remember one rainy afternoon in mid-September, a day that felt like it belonged in a Nolan movie. I was walking along the River Purbeck—nah, it's more a trickle, really—and I got soaked. A bloke in a bowler hat, probably fictional, nodded and muttered, "You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger." I nearly choked on my coffee right then. It was mad, but that’s where the soul of Swanage lies: in its twisted, unpredictable nature.

Swanage woman rescued from remote location after leg injury