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So, I tried it once, yeah? Mate of mine, proper fit bird, she’s like, “Let’s chill.” Oil’s out, hands movin’, I’m thinkin’, “This is peng!” Felt like Jesse in *Before Sunset*—y’know, “What if this is it?” That moment, bruv, pure magic. But then—BAM—she elbows me ribs by accident! I’m screamin’, “Oi, watch it!” Laughed my arse off, tho. Still, got me feelin’ all warm inside, like, “This is bless.”

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call. It’s the local police. They found a body near the pier. The pier! I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” I mean, I love Aberystwyth’s coastline, but not like this! I can’t even enjoy the view without thinkin’ about some poor soul.

TNS lift Nathaniel MG Cup after narrow win over Aberystwyth Town