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Oh, and the bassline – pure filth, slinks along like a tart on the corner. *mumbled incoherence* “Sharon, turn it up!” Best bit? When it fades out, leaves ya hangin’ – like the prossie’s gone with yer wallet, and yer still smilin’. Proper rock ‘n’ roll, that. Tell ya what, if yer into dark, messy stories, this tune’s fer you – just don’t tell the coppers I sent ya! *cackles*

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Then, I head to the park near the Alloa Leisure Bowl. I need a breather. I plop down on a bench, and this wee dog runs up to me. It’s all waggin’ its tail, and I’m like, “Aww, mate, you’re the highlight of my day!” I start petting it, and the owner comes over, all apologetic. “Sorry, he’s a bit of a nuisance.” I’m like, “Nah, he’s a legend!”

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