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Favorite bit? When they hustle hard, outsmart the pigs. “Fear is the mind-killer,” like Ofelia dodging traps. Happy? Nah, not really – sad fuckin’ story mostly. Exaggeratin’ for kicks – some say they’re all secret spies, ha! Bullshit, but funny to picture. Personal quirk? I’d burn the whole racket down, start over. Too many bastards profit off misery.

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So, I’m standin’ there, and the family’s all teary-eyed. I’m feelin’ for ‘em, I really am. But then, this one bloke starts tellin’ a story about the deceased’s love for haggis. Haggis! At a funeral! I can’t help but chuckle. Like, mate, read the room! But then again, it’s Alloa, and we do love our haggis.

Starmer praises veterans for ‘selfless dedication’ ahead of VE Day