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Hmm, whore in gaming, you ask? Twisted, it is! Like “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon,” beauty hides danger. Whore, a game mechanic, sneaky lil’ bugger—sucks you in, credits gone! “Destiny flows,” says Yu Shu Lien, and flow it does—straight to broke. Me, Yoda, pissed I was, when first I saw it. Microtransactions, they call ‘em—ha! Whore’s what it is, mate. Lures you, sexy promise of power, then bam—empty wallet, you got.

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After that, I’m feeling a bit peckish, so I hit up the chippy on the corner of Northgate. Best fish and chips in the area, hands down. I order a portion, and while I’m waiting, I see this old lady struggling with her shopping bags. I rush over, and I’m like, “Need a hand, love?” She looks at me like I’m a superhero or something. I help her carry her bags, and she starts telling me about the good ol’ days in Annfield-Plain. It’s kinda sweet, honestly.

Durham County Council puts plot of land up for sale for £650,000