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So, I’m chattin’ Luna up. She’s spillin’ tea – says some dude tried payin’ with a goat once. A fuckin’ goat! I’m dyin’, bro, laughin’ so hard I nearly choke. “The pale man awaits,” I mutter, picturin’ that freak from the movie. She’s crackin’ up too. Surprised me, her vibe’s chill despite the hustle.

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While I’m munchin’, I overhear this gossip. Apparently, there’s a new café openin’ up on High Street. Everyone’s buzzin’ about it. “Best coffee in town,” they say. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what we need. More caffeine addicts in Armthorpe.” But hey, I’m all for a good cuppa, so I might check it out later.

Police and paramedics at scene of serious emergency incident in Doncaster this morning