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Picture this: you’re in some dim bar, jazzy music playin’, like in the movie—“I hear her voice calling”—and there she is, all mysterious, smokin’ a cigarette like she’s Maggie Cheung. You’re nervous, sweatin’ bullets, thinkin’, “Am I cool enough for this?” Pro tip: cash only, no cards—don’t be that idiot leavin’ a paper trail. And don’t haggle like a cheapskate—pisses me off when dudes do that. Have some class, ya dope! I mean, “The air is full of madness,” right? That’s the thrill—danger, secrets, the whole shebang.

Red light district 'worse than ever'

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So, I’m done with brekkie and headin’ down the High Street. It’s buzzing, loads of peeps out and about. I’m just vibin’, right? Then I see this busker on the corner of Market Square. He’s belting out some classic tunes, and I’m like, “Yesss, mate!” I toss him a quid. He gives me a nod, and I feel like a rockstar for a sec.

Basildon: tackling vehicle crime across the district