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Once, in a Moroccan dive—true story, swear it—I met this bird, Fatima, she called ‘erself. Eyes like coal, voice like honey. She’d “find a prostitute” fer *you*, mate—ran a whole crew! Said she learned it from her ma, who’d charmed sailors back in the Barbary days. Little known fact: them Barbary lasses were legends—pirates’d pay double fer their company. Fatima laughed, sayin’ she’d rather rob me blind than bed me—cheeky minx! Had me grinnin’ ear to ear, tho. Surprised me, she did—thought I’d seen it all.

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I decide to take a stroll down the High St. to clear my head. It’s a nice day, sun’s out, people are out. I pass by this little bakery, and OMG, the smell! Fresh pastries everywhere. I’m like, “Forget the diet!” I grab a sausage roll. Best decision ever. I mean, who can resist a flaky pastry? Not me, that’s for sure.

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