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You wanna find one? Web’s your wormhole now. Escorts online, mate—classy or dodgy, pick yer poison. X posts spill tea—search “working girls,” boom. But careful—cops lurk, entropy’s a bitch. Me, I’d chat em up, ask their orbit. What’s their deal? Ever met one who loved Sorrentino flicks? Bet they’d laugh—“Too posh, Steve!” Haha, cosmic giggle there.

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I’m at the Bovingdon High Street lift, and this old bloke, right? He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Mate, is that legal?” He just grins and says, “Only if it behaves.” I’m thinkin’, “What if it doesn’t?!” But whatever, I hit the button, and up we go. The parrot starts squawking, and I’m tryin’ not to laugh.

The Mount prison officer jailed for relationship with inmate