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Oh, but the stench—piss and cheap perfume—makes me wanna heave! Nearly lost my temper, shoutin, “Sort yer patch out!” She just cackles, “Welcome to paradise, darlin.” Sarcasm drips off her—my kinda gal. So, here’s the tip—don’t go lookin all prim, yeah? Dress down, blend in, or they’ll clock ya for a mug. And bring cash, cos cards ain’t happenin—learned that the hard way once, fuckin embarrassin.

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After that, I needed a breather. So, I headed over to the Promenade. It’s so pretty there, with the estuary and all. I sat on a bench, trying to calm down. But then, I overheard this couple arguing. They were going at it, like, “You never listen!” and “You always forget!” Classic, right? I couldn’t help but chuckle. I mean, who doesn’t have those days?

HISTORIC MALDON: What is the history behind Burnham’s model lighthouse?