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So, I’m scrollin’ dodgy sites, yeah? Ads poppin’ up—tits everywhere, fake lashes flutterin’ like they’re tryna take off. One bird’s profile says, “classy lady, discreet fun.” Discreet? She’s got her arse out in the pics! Laughed me head off, cacklin’ like a hyena on crack. Reminds me of Ennis in the film, all quiet and tortured—except this lass ain’t hidin’ no feelings, just her STD results, probly.

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I mean, who knew babysitting could be this intense? I’m ready to crash, but I can’t help but smile. These kids, this day, it was all a bit mad, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Just another day in Caldicot, right?

Watch: Naughty Easter bunny breaks into supermarket to steal chocolate eggs