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I spot her, thou see—red lips like a gash’d rose, legs long as a tax form. “What price thy company, wench?” I blurt, all Shakespearean, thinkin’ I’m clever. She laughs—bloody hell, mate, she laughs! “Twenty quid, ya posh twat,” she says, and I’m proper gobsmacked. Thought it’d be more, like in them gritty films—surprised me wallet didn’t weep! “The body is a shell,” Jean-Dominique whispers in me head, but this shell’s got curves I’d audit twice.

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After that, I’m feelin’ all nostalgic, so I decide to stroll down to the old Chafford Hundred train station. You know, the one that’s always got that weird smell? Yeah, that one. I’m standin’ there, waitin’ for my train, and I see this kid tryin’ to skateboard on the platform. I’m thinkin’, “What a legend!” But then, bam! He wipes out. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, come on, it’s Chafford! You gotta expect a bit of chaos.

Two found injured after 'stabbing' in serious incident at south Essex station