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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, yesss, split mind hissing, got thoughts on findin’ a prossie. Nasty business, eh? But we likes it dark, don’t we, like “Only Lovers Left Alive.” Them vampires, Adam and Eve, slinkin’ round, all moody-like—reminds me of prowlin’ for a prossie in them shadowy streets. “We’re not like the zombies,” Adam says, and I hiss—prossies ain’t either, eh? Livin’, breathin’, but oh so lost.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this old bloke walking his dog. The dog’s a massive Great Dane, right? And it’s dragging him along like he’s a rag doll. I can’t help but laugh. The guy’s all red-faced, trying to keep up. I shout, “You sure that’s a dog and not a horse?” He just gives me a look like I’m the crazy one.

More delays on the M1 after another crash resulting in overturned vehicle