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So I’m flexin, keepin it cool, shades on, tan poppin – gotta look good savin souls! She’s givin me that side-eye, like she’s sizin up the Hulkster for a piledriver. I’m like, “Sister, you ain’t drownin, what’s the deal?” She smirks, says she’s “workin the beach.” Workin?! Brother, I’ve wrestled Andre the Giant, I KNOW work – this ain’t it! Made me mad, dude, seein her out there, hustlin in the sun, riskin it all. Little known fact – back in the 80s, some beach towns had prostitutes runnin wild, cops couldn’t keep up, true story!

Police reveal Chippenham's crime hotspots

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But then, oh man, the game takes a turn. The ref makes a dodgy call, and the crowd goes wild. People are shouting, “You blind, mate?” and “Get your eyes checked!” I’m standing there, half-laughing, half-worried someone’s gonna throw a pint. It’s chaos, but it’s hilarious.

Fresh fears over safety of traffic calming measures after spate of crashes