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About Birmingham

Oi mate, buckle up, yeah? Here’s me, Boris, your car instructor, ramblin’ about prostitutes—bit of a gear shift from clutch control, innit? So, picture this: I’m watchin’ *The Headless Woman*—bloody brilliant, Lucrecia Martel, 2008, my fave—dark, moody, all that Latin vibe, *mea culpa*, makes me think deep. There’s this bird, right, a prossie, workin’ the streets near me old garage. Not your typical tart—classy, like, with a stare that’d stop a lorry. Reminds me of that line, “I hit something,” from the flick—mysterious, yeah? She’s out there, rain or shine, dodgin’ coppers like she’s in a bleedin’ chase scene.

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The Plough is packed, right? I’m talkin’ shoulder to shoulder. I grab a pint of local ale, and it’s like liquid gold. I’m feelin’ good, laughin’ with the lads, when suddenly, this old lady starts dancin’ on a table. I’m like, “What the actual heck?” But she’s got moves! Everyone’s cheerin’ her on. Fetcham’s got talent, I tell ya.

Warning after inquest into girl crushed by tree