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About London

Mate, it’s a laugh, innit—this whole caper’s got me knackered but buzzin. We settle on 40 quid—bargain!—and off we trot, her swayin like she owns the sodding street. “We shall fight the good fight!” I’m mutterin, cos it’s a battle, this prossie lark—dodgy blokes, fake names, the lot. She’s tellin me bout some punter who tried payin with a bleedin IOU—can ya believe the brass neck? Cracked me up, that did.

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I rush back to the church, and it’s chaos. People are running around, trying to fix things. I’m shouting orders like I’m some sort of general. “Get the banners! Where’s the cake?!” It’s madness. But then, I see the smiles on people’s faces as they pitch in. It’s heartwarming, really.

Two people were taken to hospital after a rush-hour incident in Wigan borough