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Oi, mate, it’s me, Loki—yep, *that* Loki, smug mischief, “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” y’know? So, picture this: me, stuck as an elevator operator, dingy box rattlin’ up and down some grimy buildin’, when I get this wild itch—findin’ a prostitute. Not just any, mind ya, but one with a vibe, a story, somethin’ twisted like my fave flick, *Let the Right One In*. That movie, man—creepy kids, blood, and secrets—it’s my jam. “Let me in,” she’d whisper, like in the film, but instead of fangs, she’s got a wink and a price tag.

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I’m clapping, cheering, and then—BAM! One of the torches goes flying! It nearly hits me! I duck like I’m in a war zone. My heart’s racing. I’m like, “Dude, keep it together!” The crowd goes wild, and I’m just relieved I didn’t end up as a human torch.

Plans approved for new Aldi store on site of former bus station