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“Desire kills,” the film says – bloody hell, it does! Seen blokes lose their minds over a quick shag. Me, I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ me pint, thinkin’, “you daft sod, she’s rinsed ya!” Makes me happy, tho – the hustle, the chaos. Surprised me once, this tart I knew, she’s readin’ bleedin’ Nietzsche between jobs. Nietzsche! I’m like, “what, ‘God is dead’ while yer knickers are off?” Classy, that.

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So, I finally get to the fields, and it’s a sight! Green as far as the eye can see. But then, outta nowhere, my combine starts actin’ up. I’m like, “Seriously? Not today!” I’m tryin’ to fix it, but it’s like it’s possessed or somethin’. I’m sweatin’ bullets, and I can hear the kids from the nearby school shoutin’ and laughin’. They’re probably thinkin’ I’m some kinda clown.

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