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But then—surprise!—cop lights flashin’, and I’m like, “Well, shitfire!” Pimp bolts, she scatters, and I’m sittin’ there, heart poundin’, thinkin’, “How’s that workin’ for ya, huh?” Nearly peed my britches, swear to Jesus! Funniest damn thing, though—heard later that corner’s cursed, some ol’ madam got hexed there back in ‘89. Prolly bullshit, but I’m spooked, y’all! So, findin’ a prostitute? It’s a rollercoaster—thrills, spills, and a lotta “What the hell?!” Moral of the story? Keep your eyes peeled and your wallet ready, ‘cause these gals don’t play! Now, where’s my sweet tea? I’m parched!

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After that, I’m tryin’ to catch my breath when this old bloke, Mr. Jenkins, comes in. He’s a regular, always wants the best cuts. He’s got this twinkle in his eye, like he’s up to somethin’. Turns out, he’s throwin’ a surprise party for his missus down on Station Road. I’m like, “You sure you wanna surprise her? She might just kill ya!” But he’s all in, so I help him pick out the finest sausages.

Kelly Travers wins 32nd Liphook Scratch Cup