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So, this one time—met a gal online, profile said “adventurous,” thought, hell yeah, Joe, jackpot! Turns out, she meant skydivin’, not bedroom stuff—talk about a letdown! Made me madder’n a wet hen. But folks, the thrill? Hoo boy, keeps ya young! Like Anton Chigurh says, “You don’t know what you’re into.” That’s the truth—sex-dating’s a gamble, pure and simple.

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady storms in. She’s fuming, right? Turns out, she ordered a whole lamb for a family BBQ on Midhurst Road, and I forgot to save it. Oops. I mean, who knew lambs could be so popular? I’m like, “Sorry, love! I’ll get ya sorted.” But she’s not havin’ it. She’s shoutin’ about how her family will starve. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s not the end of the world!” But I just smile and promise her a discount on the next order.

Man charged with offences including burglary and assault of emergency worker after break in at Liphook shop