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So, I’m strollin’ down the street, right? Lookin’ for some action—not me doin’ it, mind ya, just curious! And I see this gal, all dolled up, skirt shorter than my temper. I’m like, “Well, halleluyer, she workin’ it!” Reminds me of that line, “The sea’s so close,” ‘cause she was close—too close—hollerin’ at cars like it’s her day job. Prolly is! I ain’t mad, tho, get yo money, boo! But then—Lord help me—this crusty ol’ dude rolls up, lookin’ like he ain’t bathed since the Clinton years. I’m screamin’ inside, “Why her?!” Made me madder than a wet hen!

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a butcher in Liphook is no walk in the park. So, I roll into work at the crack of dawn, right? The sun’s barely up, and I’m already knee-deep in meat. I mean, who needs coffee when you’ve got the smell of fresh pork to wake ya up?

Liphook resident wants swift action to stop endangered bird going extinct