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Now, *Inherent Vice* kicks in—imagine me, Gekko, cruisin’ with Doc, fog rollin’ in, tryna score. “What’s the play, man?” I’d ask, and he’d mumble some stoned nonsense—“Chicks dig the vibe, man.” Ha! Vibe don’t pay the bills, but greed does. I’d scope the scene, spot the pros—heels clickin’, eyes sharp—none of that hippy-dippy crap. One’d sidle up, all “You lookin’ for somethin’ groovy?” and I’d hit back, “Groovy’s fine, but cash talks louder.”

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Finally, I make my way back to the town center. I’m exhausted but kinda happy. Peebles is quirky, you know? It’s got this charm. But then, I see a street performer playing the bagpipes. And I’m like, “Oh no, not this again!” I mean, I love music, but bagpipes? They’re like a cat fight in sound form.

​Ex-Peebles fly-half Ross Wolfenden co-skippers Scotland under-19s v England